Have you ever found yourself clinging to a hobby, a commitment or even a relationship just because you have already invested so much time and effort into it? I have certainly been ‘guilty’ of this and more than once.
It’s a common struggle – letting go of things that no longer bring us joy can be difficult. But sticking with something out of habit or obligation can hold us back and prevent us from experiencing a more fulfilling life.
However, for us retirees or people contemplating retirement, it is more important than ever that we try to live the life which we consciously desire.
We are only going to get one shot at this retirement thing and we don’t know how long it will last, so we really ought to fill it with the things that bring us pleasure.
As I am just a few short months away from the start of my own retirement I have been giving more and more thought to what I want to take with me into this new chapter and what I might want to leave behind.
I have found that these decisions can be challenging. Here I explain why and suggest a six step framework to assist.
Why is Letting Go Difficult ?
It’s apparently because we can’t bring ourselves to let our past efforts and commitment go to ‘waste’.
We hold on in the hope that things will turn around, or we convince ourselves that all our effort must surely lead to the desired outcome.
The technical term for this is the sunk cost fallacy and psychologists say it can affect our decision making in all areas of life.
Examples of The Sunk Cost Fallacy
Finishing a book that you don’t find interesting because you think you should
How often do we push on through books that aren’t engaging, telling ourselves we should get to the end. But every chapter you push through is time that could be spent reading something you truly enjoy or learning something meaningful.
Holding on to an item of clothing that you never wear
Those clothes in the back of the wardrobe – we keep them because we remember how much they cost or because they used to fit perfectly. But if they no longer fit and realistically are unlikely to fit again they are just taking up space and adding clutter to your life.
Staying in a long term relationship which you know is not right for you
Relationships, especially long term ones, can be tricky to let go of. But holding on purely because of shared history or invested time can stop both of you from finding happiness elsewhere. The cost of staying can be greater than the cost of moving on.
Hanging on to a car which keeps breaking down and is costing you a fortune
When you have spent a lot on repairs, it can feel like you have to keep going with that car. But continually pouring money into it takes away funds that could be used for a more reliable option.
Investing time and commitment in a friendship which does not bring you joy
Friendships often evolve over time, and it can feel disloyal to step back when a connection changes. But if a friendship has become one-sided or leaves you feeling down, holding onto it out of guilt or history only takes away energy you could invest in more uplifting relationships.
Attending a regular event longer after the fun has gone out of it
Whether it’s a club meeting, a group outing or a community event, sticking with something that no longer brings enjoyment can turn a once loved activity into a chore. Think of the time spent preparing and attending, only to feel unfulfilled. That time could be dedicated to activities that genuinely bring you pleasure.
So, how can you break free from the things that no longer make you happy? Here are six steps to help you open up space for a more vibrant and fulfilling retirement.
1. Recognise the Signs That It’s Time to Move On
When something no longer adds value or aligns with who you are today, it’s time to reconsider whether it’s worth your continued time, energy and commitment.
As Dr Yalda Safai, a New York based psychiatrist, has observed “The best predictor of the future or future behavior is the past. If until this point the relationships, hobby, friendship, job, etc. has not served you in any positive regard, it likely won’t in the future.”
So start by paying attention to how the activity, friendship etc. makes you feel. Does it feel more like a burden than a source of enjoyment?
Do you find yourself lacking enthusiasm for it? If yes, these may be signs that the thing in question is no longer serving you. Being honest with yourself about these feelings is an essential first step to letting go.
2. Reframe Letting Go as a Positive Choice
That said, for most of us letting go is still difficult and it’s natural to sometimes feel that we have failed or that all our past efforts were wasted.
To counter these negative emotions, try reframing letting go as a positive decision that makes room for new experiences and opportunities.
When you let go of something that no longer brings you joy, you are choosing to prioritise the future over the past and committing to put your well-being and happiness first.
3. Try the ‘Fresh Start’ Test
Ask yourself: “If I was starting afresh today, knowing everything that I know now, would I choose this thing?” If the answer is no, it may be time to re-evaluate.
This simple question can help you assess whether you are holding onto something just because of the past investment of time, energy or money or because it genuinely adds value to your life now.
4. Take Small, Gradual Steps to Let Go
Letting go does not have to be a sudden move. You can gradually reduce your involvement in something that has come to feel like a burden.
Start by scaling back the time you spend on it or taking a break to see how you feel about it. This approach allows you to let go in a way that feels manageable.
5. Replace What You Let Go With Something New That Excites You
Once you have freed up time and energy, actively seek out new activities or interests that bring you pleasure or renewed purpose.
This doesn’t mean rushing into something new, but rather exploring what genuinely interests you now at this stage of your life.
Try a new hobby, rekindle a past interest or think about that thing you have always dreamed about if only you had the time. As retirees time is one thing we definitely have an abundance of.
6. Be Kind to Yourself Throughout the Process
Remember that letting go is not about abandonment or giving up. Rather, it is an act of self-compassion. It’s a recognition that your needs, interests and priorities evolve and change as you move through life.
There is no need to feel guilt about changing course and it does not mean that time or resources already expended have been wasted. Every experience has value – even if ultimately it leads us to a different path.
Takeaway
Breaking free from things that no longer give us joy isn’t about erasing the past; its about making the most of the present and creating room for a future that is fulfilling.
It is not easy to do it but it is worth it. So, as you move forward remember that you only have one life and you owe it to yourself to make the most of it.
Each decision to release what no longer serves you is a step towards a more rewarding future.
If you would like to learn more about the psychology of letting go and why we find it so hard check out this article on the sunk cost fallacy.
Over to You
Personally I am going to start by going through my wardrobe and clearing out everything that I no longer wear or am unlikely to wear.
Where would you start?
Please leave a comment and let’s get a conversation going.
